Commentary: Getting over the fear of gossip and judgement — how I let go of my need to be liked by everyone

I was recently asked to give a one-hour presentation at work.
I’ve always considered myself to be an introvert, so speaking to many people at once gives me the jitters. 
I’ve had many opportunities to try my hand at public speaking, especially in school when I was younger. But somehow, I still can’t seem to get the hang of it. 
Even now, as a personal wealth manager, I still prefer speaking one-on-one with my clients, rather than addressing or meeting them in big groups. 
Before the presentation, I thought long and hard about how my colleagues would receive it. 
Will they like the way I sound or look? Will what I’m planning to say make sense to them, or will I just be spouting nonsense? Will I actually add value to them, or will they think I’m just wasting their time? 
After going round in circles like this in my head for some time, I eventually realised that the more I bothered about what they might think of me, the more I’d fumble on my words and lose my train of thought. 
The more I doubted that I could deliver to the best of my ability, the more I would be unable to do so. 
So before I spoke, I told myself: “It doesn’t matter if I’m not everyone’s favourite. I don’t need to be everyone’s favourite.
“As long as I know I’m sharing something that brings me joy and the values I’ve built my business on are good, everything else doesn’t matter.” 
Research has shown that women and ethnic minorities often face much more pressure to be likeable, especially in the workplace. But for me, this issue goes beyond my prospects for career progression and success.
Throughout my schooling years, I used to get pretty affected by my peers talking about me behind my back. 
I recall one particular occasion in secondary school, where I knew some of my peers were spreading negative things about me, my achievements and setbacks. 
It’s been a long time since, so I can’t really remember what the gossip was exactly — but I vividly remember feeling like I had been so wronged. “How could they talk about me like that?” I thought. “They don’t even know me.” 
I confided in a trusted friend about how upset I was feeling about the whole situation. 
Her response: “You don’t even really like these people ‘talking bad’ about you. Why should you bother about them?” 
This struck a chord in me. Instead of thinking about things I couldn’t control, I began reflecting within myself instead. 
I asked myself: Why do I need everyone to like me? (Or, at the very least, to not dislike me?) 
It took me some time and a lot of growing up, but I eventually realised that people talk behind my back because they aren’t ahead of me. They don’t know me personally. Whatever they’re saying is just noise; it doesn’t matter. 
There’s a famous quote by American burlesque icon Dita Von Teese: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” 
I can pour all my energy into doing all the right things: Be kind to everyone, remain humble, be my true, authentic self to others. After all, these are the sort of positive things we look for in others — for my part, I’ve always naturally gravitated towards people like this. 
But at the end of the day, even if you could somehow manage to be the “perfect” person, the “ideal” person, there will still be someone out there who just doesn’t like you. 
After all, each of us are different. What’s “ideal” to me can never be “ideal” to everyone else.
I’ve now learnt to focus on people who truly know me for who I am, who love and support me. 
Instead of striving pointlessly to be everyone’s favourite, my goal now is simple: To be my authentic self each day, in both my professional and personal life. That’s what my clients need from me; that’s what my loved ones cherish about me.
Becoming a better human being doesn’t mean chasing perfection. In fact, being human means we’re all flawed. 
There is no perfection in anything, only progression. What matters most is that we always strive for growth and improvement. 
Life’s too short to spend all of it trying to make sure that everyone likes me. Instead, I’m going to make sure that I like me. 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Cristelle Lim is a personal wealth manager at a multinational insurance and finance corporation.